Things I have learned about Tinder 

Having watched many friends swiping left and right to seemingly pleasant guys got me intrigued. What constitutes a swipe right or left? I suppose it varies per person, but surely there are some rules that a mass group of the population follow. I paid more attention, asked around and came up with a sort of list of things that many straight females in their 20s use as “rules” for Tinder. Being as kind as I am, I’ve decided to share them with you (this is not a swipe right guarantee, you can’t sue me if you don’t get a girl). 

1. Absolutely, positively no selfies 

2. If you are REALLY attractive, one selfie may be permitted 

3. However NO exceptions for mirror, laying in bed, flexing or gym selfies

4. A mirror selfie while flexing at the gym is rock bottom

5. You cannot be intoxicated in every one of your pictures

6. You cannot have a girlfriend in any of the pictures

7. You cannot have pictures only with girls falling over you

8. If you use pictures with an ex badly cropped out more than once you’re done

9. If you have less than three pictures (four is preferred) it gets questionable 

10. If your first picture is your car… Literally just the car, not you at all, not even an arm, it’s not likely

11. If your first picture is your gun collection… Again not even an arm?

12. You cannot have every one of your social media sites already in your description (we like mystery)

13. If your description involves anything to do with DTF, it’s a no

14. We need to see your whole face in at least one photo clearly

15. Photos with friends give you bonus points, it lets a girl know people actually like you. 

16. Please know that animals are not girl bait. Just because you’re posing wth a cat, you aren’t guaranteed a yes. (Seriously is that even your cat?)

17. No innapropriate photos, really, this is just self explanatory. Put some clothes on. 

18. If you use a celebrity as one of your pictures, you’re not fooling anyone. (And unless it’s like Zac Efron or something it’s really not that appealing)

19. Did I mention no shirtless mirror gym selfies? 

20. Lastly just be honest, don’t say you love windsurfing if you’ve never done it. You might end up on some really embarassing Tinder dates (and no they won’t find it “cute” how you lied). 

Feel free to ignore all of this because as 20 says, being honest is important. If you really love your shirtless gym mirror selfie, use it, I’m sure there’s people out there looking for someone just like you. 

(None of this is scientifically proven to be true. It is meant for amusement, please consult your doctor if you have an overload of matches)

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